There is a lot of focus on human relations, empathy and emotional intelligence as keys to appropriate leadership communication. How do you become aware of these qualities and values? Can they be trained? In what way?
Written by: Melanie Smirou
I've always been fascinated by how people take up space and influence others around them with their behavior and conduct. I've also been curious about whether they have chosen to do this consciously or not. I'm constantly impressed by those who have a positive effect on others and think that it must be the most important thing you can do for your fellow human beings.
Train your non-verbal communication
When I trained as both an actor and a theater educator in Melbourne, Australia, I discovered the following: the process and approach to learning this craft could benefit anyone who wanted to improve their communication. The study of acting is about deconstructing what it means to be human by, among other things, getting to know and analyzing all the complex elements involved in relationships. This is systematized to make it possible to recreate natural and "real" life for the audience, again and again. Actors spend a lot of time getting to know their emotions and reaction patterns so that they can bring out their different sides on command to create a "role." They are used to consciously using their body, voice, breath, senses and imagination to communicate holistically.
Many managers I've worked with appear serious because they think it makes them seem more credible or professionally competent. But people find it liberating to be around others who dare to show personality.
We are not all going to become actors, but we all have natural access to several aspects of being human. What if this training could be used to get more in touch with our personality in order to vary our expressions, offer more of ourselves, become more confident and clearer when talking to others and have more impact? Most of us have become accustomed to our way of being without having practiced how to be.
Do you know what you need to bring out in you when engaging or inspiring others? Do you behave in a way that you think is expected of you? Leadership communication is often practiced in a serious way, because leaders think it makes them seem more credible or professionally competent. But people find it liberating to be around others who dare to show personality. They are interested in knowing who you are. That's often why storytelling is recommended in presentations. In addition, they want to get a sense of how you feel about what you're talking about.
The mood you create is your most expressive tool
Even though we humans are unique and different, we have something in common when it comes to relationships with other people: We all have a basic need to connect with others. When we meet someone else, we want to feel respected for who we are, to be seen and heard. This happens instinctively in us, whether we are aware of it or not. If we feel a lack of trust in another person, we are less likely to accept what they say.
Another way we use our instincts in communication is by reading, scanning and judging each other based on either first impressions or as I like to say: first impressions that day. This happens consciously or unconsciously. The reaction is immediate and is either positive or negative although it can be subtle. This is one of the reasons why we can be vulnerable and nervous when speaking in front of a crowd, especially when what we are about to convey means a lot to us.
Leadership communication is not mostly about the words we use, although it is these that we usually spend the most time preparing. It is the mood we create with our presence that is the most effective way of communicating that we can control. Mood and energy are contagious. We easily pick up and are affected when employees or others we work with are stressed or calm, self-deprecating or touchy, open or arrogant, cheerful or depressed. Mood belongs to the part of non-verbal communication that is invisible. It never stops, just changes all the time and exists in parallel with verbal communication. You can sense or feel it, but it requires that you use other parts of yourself, that you step away from the thoughts in your head and get in touch with your body where, among other things, your gut feeling lives.
Melanie Smirou, course and speaker
Learn to have one focus at a time to find peace
To get to know ourselves better and what we have at our disposal to use, we need to turn inwards on a journey of discovery. We must allow ourselves to experience instead of think. Practice having one focus at a time, for example, put a hand on your stomach and feel your breath. Focus only on everything you can see in the room you are in. You will experience a calmness that invites you into a state of presence. When you're present, you're also more alert and can take in more of what's happening right in front of you. You become a better listener and you gain more control and overview of the situation you find yourself in. You also gain the ability to reset. Everyone can shift their focus, place it and decideto direct it consciously.
Decide what you want to give
Decide what experience you want others to have after listening to you. Focus on the intention of what you are going to give them, i.e. how you are going to affect them with your manner. This will bring out a confidence and clarity in you that can also remove self-consciousness, nerves and other disturbing elements. The expression you choose can change your choice of words, body language and voice.
